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>>>>>>NO...This way.....


Wasted from drinking to much

Awoke to high pitch screaming

Two strangers in my space

In and out of conciousness

Scared, alone, unsure of what to do.

Called 911, not safe.. said over and over

Future unknown

My fault, my mess, my chaos, no escape, my shame.

Police come not once but twice

More drama

Interrogated nonstop but not by police

No peace, no calmness

No happiness, left to pick up shattered pieces

​All because I fell into temptation

All because I experienced a glimpse of hope

All for nothing

Hard earned money, gone


Peace and happiness ...gone

So very alone with no one to discuss

Shattered pieces everywhere

Cuts nonstop all because of drama

Written by Christina Lean


A gentle breeze flowing through the valley

The piney smell of the forest

The songs of the birds in the distance

The roar of a rushing river 

The calming effect of the tall trees casting their long shadows on a hot summer day

The comfort of loneliness and calmness that can only come from the wilderness. 

No electronics,

No honking horns

No chaos

No drama

Just peace...

Written by Christina Lean

Estes Park

My beloved Estes, how you make me happy.

The view alone is enough to yearn for when not near.

Surrounded by mountains and lakes.

Lovely and enticing shops

Magic is so visible but hidden. 

Peaceful and yet exciting!

Memories of a love in the distance.

The river also flows ever so just as my memory of you.  

Estes how I love you so! 

Never leave my soul, forever entangled. 

Written by Christina Lean


A long line of directionally challenged family members.

Round and round like a broken compass.

Instead of a straight line, always a scribbled mess. 

"We took the scenic route, today", is often said. That is my life.

Chaos is a family member and peace is the the enemy.

A straight line to a goal is unheard of , like life without a ruler. 

A straight line to love is unimaginable, and at times impossible.

Perhaps it is due to being unfocused or being to focused and not paying attention. 

The mind wanders on other matters like a video without controls. No way to hit stop or fast forward. 

Darkness comes in and out like we are old friends.

Light comes in glimpses like passing acquaintances.

There was for a short time an anchor,

at the time, very much unaware, held me steady and down to earth.

Until left to my own devices, it was unknown. 

It showed its existence that it was there, because it is now no more.  

At times, there is a feeling of weightlessness and no direction in mind, just the thought of wandering without any consequences. Of course, that is usually where chaos is hiding and peace disappears like a knife through and through.

Peace is usually thought of the being a good idea however, perhaps it is a deception to the reality, chaos...

Lost forever more without my anchor.  

Written by Christina Lean


Incapacitated with fear.

Chains gripping me tight with no escape. 

Get up and try again, they say.

But they don't know the consequences like I do. 

They don't know the costs like I do. Hours wasted, lessons learned, no value left. 

Help! Find the key to my chains!

Help, lift this weight off me!

Free me from this failure
Free me from this misery!

Show me Success! Show me reward! Show me my hard work is not for nothing. 

Written by Christina Lean


Rainbows, dragons, castles, love, travel, discovery, excitement, wonder, lighter than air, wild flowers, the smell after rain in the desert, explosion, uncontrollable smiling, birth of my children, spaghetti, pizza, milk chocolate, rocky road ice cream, orange sherbet, the color blue, my bu, rex, friends, family, magic, wolves, horses, panda bears, koala bears, costumes, jewelry, green grass, easter lilies, mountains, ghost towns, haunted hotels, the sound of a rushing river, waterfalls, a rush, uncontrollable bliss, light, no darkness, excitement, thrill, the chase, the mystery, the search for history...and so much more...these are just some of the things that represent happiness. 

Written by Christina Lean

<<<<<<<This way....

Flowers and Love

There are so many flowers to smell.

How do you choose just one?

Each one is different and each has its own quirks or special quality. 

Not one is better than the other, just different. 

What traits are you looking for?

How do you know a good flower from a bad one? 

A flower that has a lot of invisible scars looks normal on the outside, but you can't tell from looking, right?

If you pluck what you think is good then you will never get the chance to see what the flower has to offer long term. 

If watered day after day, it may provide many blooms that can not be shown in the present. 

Why go shopping for a new flower if there is nothing wrong with the old flower? 

Flowers correlate with love, do they not? Flowers are magical, yet delicate. Be careful, not to trample on a foolish quest to collect the many different kinds. 

Written by Christina Lean 

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